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XIV. ANOTHER LINK TO LIFE. I HAD not
returned to my master's house since the birth of my child. The old man raved to
have me thus removed from his immediate power; but his wife vowed, by all that
was good and great, she would kill me if I came back; and he did not doubt her
word. Sometimes he would stay away for a season. Then he would come and renew
the old threadbare discourse about his forbearance and my ingratitude. He
labored, most unnecessarily, to convince me that I had lowered myself. The
venomous old reprobate had no need of descanting on that theme. I felt
humiliated enough. My unconscious babe was the ever-present witness of my
shame. I listened with silent contempt when he talked about my having forfeited
his good opinion; but I shed bitter tears that I was no longer worthy of
being respected by the good and pure. Alas! slavery still held me in its
poisonous grasp. There was no chance for me to be respectable. There was no
prospect of being able to lead a better life. Sometimes, when
my master found that I still refused to accept what he called his kind offers,
he would threaten to sell my child. "Perhaps that will humble you,"
said he. Humble me! Was
I not already in the dust? But his threat lacerated my heart. I knew the law
gave him power to fulfil it; for slaveholders have been cunning enough to enact
that "the child shall follow the condition of the mother," not
of the father; thus taking care that licentiousness shall not interfere
with avarice. This reflection made me clasp my innocent babe all the more
firmly to my heart. Horrid visions passed through my mind when I thought of his
liability to fall into the slave trader's hands. I wept over him, and said,
"O my child! perhaps they will leave you in some cold cabin to die, and
then throw you into a hole, as if you were a dog." When Dr. Flint
learned that I was again to be a mother, he was exasperated beyond measure. He
rushed from the house, and returned with a pair of shears. I had a fine head of
hair; and he often railed about my pride of arranging it nicely. He cut every
hair close to my head, storming and swearing all the time. I replied to some of
his abuse, and he struck me. Some months before, he had pitched me down stairs
in a fit of passion; and the injury I received was so serious that I was unable
to turn myself in bed for many days. He then said, "Linda, I swear by God
I will never raise my hand against you again;" but I knew that he would
forget his promise. After he
discovered my situation, he was like a restless spirit from the pit. He came
every day; and I was subjected to such insults as no pen can describe. I would
not describe them if I could; they were too low, too revolting. I tried to keep
them from my grandmother's knowledge as much as I could. I knew she had enough
to sadden her life, without having my troubles to bear. When she saw the doctor
treat me with violence, and heard him utter oaths terrible enough to palsy a
man's tongue, she could not always hold her peace. It was natural and
motherlike that she should try to defend me; but it only made matters worse. When they told
me my new-born babe was a girl, my heart was heavier than it had ever been
before. Slavery is terrible for men; but it is far more terrible for women.
Superadded to the burden common to all, they have wrongs, and
sufferings, and mortifications peculiarly their own. Dr. Flint had
sworn that he would make me suffer, to my last day, for this new crime against him,
as he called it; and as long as he had me in his power he kept his word. On the
fourth day after the birth of my babe, he entered my room suddenly, and
commanded me to rise and bring my baby to him. The nurse who took care of me
had gone out of the room to prepare some nourishment, and I was alone. There
was no alternative. I rose, took up my babe, and crossed the room to where he
sat. "Now stand there," said he, "till I tell you to go
back!" My child bore a strong resemblance to her father, and to the
deceased Mrs. Sands, her grandmother. He noticed this; and while I stood before
him, trembling with weakness, he heaped upon me and my little one every vile
epithet he could think of. Even the grandmother in her grave did not escape his
curses. In the midst of his vituperations I fainted at his feet. This recalled
him to his senses. He took the baby from my arms, laid it on the bed, dashed
cold water on my face, took me up, and shook me violently, to restore my
consciousness before any one entered the room. Just then my grandmother came
in, and he hurried out of the house. I suffered in consequence of this
treatment; but I begged my friends to let me die, rather than send for the
doctor. There was nothing I dreaded so much as his presence. My life was
spared; and I was glad for the sake of my little ones. Had it not been for
these ties to life, I should have been glad to be released by death, though I
had lived only nineteen years. Always it gave
me a pang that my children had no lawful claim to a name. Their father offered
his; but, if I had wished to accept the offer, I dared not while my master
lived. Moreover, I knew it would not be accepted at their baptism. A Christian
name they were at least entitled to; and we resolved to call my boy for our
dear good Benjamin, who had gone far away from us. My grandmother
belonged to the church; and she was very desirous of having the children
christened. I knew Dr. Flint would forbid it, and I did not venture to attempt
it. But chance favored me. He was called to visit a patient out of town, and
was obliged to be absent during Sunday. "Now is the time," said my
grandmother; "we will take the children to church, and have them
christened." When I entered
the church, recollections of my mother came over me, and I felt subdued in
spirit. There she had presented me for baptism, without any reason to feel
ashamed. She had been married, and had such legal rights as slavery allows to a
slave. The vows had at least been sacred to her, and she had never
violated them. I was glad she was not alive, to know under what different
circumstances her grandchildren were presented for baptism. Why had my lot been
so different from my mother's? Her master had died when she was a child;
and she remained with her mistress till she married. She was never in the power
of any master; and thus she escaped one class of the evils that generally fall
upon slaves. When my baby was
about to be christened, the former mistress of my father stepped up to me, and
proposed to give it her Christian name. To this I added the surname of my
father, who had himself no legal right to it; for my grandfather on the
paternal side was a white gentleman. What tangled skeins are the genealogies of
slavery! I loved my father; but it mortified me to be obliged to bestow his
name on my children. When we left the church, my father's old mistress invited me to go home with her. She clasped a gold chain round my baby's neck. I thanked her for this kindness; but I did not like the emblem. I wanted no chain to be fastened on my daughter, not even if its links were of gold. How earnestly I prayed that she might never feel the weight of slavery's chain, whose iron entereth into the soul! |