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XXXI. INCIDENTS IN PHILADELPHIA. I had never seen
so large a city, or been in contact with so many people in the streets. It
seemed as if those who passed looked at us with an expression of curiosity. My
face was so blistered and peeled by sitting on deck, in wind and sunshine, that
I thought they could not easily decide to what nation I belonged. Mrs. Durham met
me with a kindly welcome, without asking any questions. I was tired, and her
friendly manner was a sweet refreshment. God bless her! I was sure that she had
comforted other weary hearts, before I received her sympathy. She was
surrounded by her husband and children, in a home made sacred by protecting
laws. I thought of my own children and sighed. After dinner Mr.
Durham went with me in quest of the friends I had spoken of. They went from my
native town, and I anticipated much pleasure in looking on familiar faces. They
were not at home, and we retraced our steps through streets delightfully clean.
On the way, Mr. Durham observed that I had spoken to him of a daughter I
expected to meet; that he was surprised, for I looked so young he had taken me
for a single woman. He was approaching a subject on which I was extremely
sensitive. He would ask about my husband next, I thought, and if I answered him
truly, what would he think of me? I told him I had two children, one in New
York the other at the south. He asked some further questions, and I frankly
told him some of the most important events of my life. It was painful for me to
do it; but I would not deceive him. If he was desirous of being my friend, I
thought he ought to know how far I was worthy of it. "Excuse me, if I have
tried your feelings," said he. "I did not question you from idle
curiosity. I wanted to understand your situation, in order to know whether I
could be of any service to you, or your little girl. Your straight-forward
answers do you credit; but don't answer every body so openly. It might give
some heartless people a pretext for treating you with contempt." That word contempt
burned me like coals of fire. I replied, "God alone knows how I have
suffered; and He, I trust, will forgive me. If I am permitted to have my
children, I intend to be a good mother, and to live in such a manner that
people cannot treat me with contempt." "I respect
your sentiments," said he. "Place your trust in God, and be governed
by good principles, and you will not fail to find friends." When we reached
home, I went to my room, glad to shut out the world for a while. The words he
had spoken made an indelible impression upon me. They brought up great shadows
from the mournful past. In the midst of my meditations I was startled by a
knock at the door. Mrs. Durham entered, her face all beaming with kindness, to
say that there was an anti-slavery friend down stairs, who would like to see
me. I overcame my dread of encountering strangers, and went with her. Many
questions were asked concerning my experiences, and my escape from slavery; but
I observed how careful they all were not to say any thing that might wound my
feelings. How gratifying this was, can be fully understood only by those who
have been accustomed to be treated as if they were not included within the pale
of human beings. The anti-slavery friend had come to inquire into my plans, and
to offer assistance, if needed. Fanny was comfortably established, for the
present, with a friend of Mr. Durham. The Anti-Slavery Society agreed to pay
her expenses to New York. The same was offered to me but I declined to accept
it; telling them that my grandmother had given me sufficient to pay my expenses
to the end of my journey. We were urged to remain in Philadelphia a few days,
until some suitable escort could be found for us. I gladly accepted the
proposition, for I had a dread of meeting slaveholders, and some dread also of
railroads. I had never entered a railroad car in my life, and it seemed to me
quite an important event. That night I
sought my pillow with feelings I had never carried to it before. I verily
believed myself to be a free woman. I was wakeful for a long time, and I had no
sooner fallen asleep, than I was roused by fire-bells. I jumped up, and hurried
on my clothes. Where I came from, every body hastened to dress themselves on
such occasions. The white people thought a great fire might be used as a good
opportunity for insurrection, and that it was best to be in readiness; and the
colored people were ordered out to labor in extinguishing the flames. There was
but one engine in our town, and colored women and children were often required
to drag it to the river's edge and fill it. Mrs. Durham's daughter slept in the
same room with me, and seeing that she slept through all the din, I thought it
was my duty to wake her. "What's the matter?" said she, rubbing her
eyes. "They're
screaming fire in the streets, and the bells are ringing," I replied. "What of
that?" said she, drowsily. "We are used to it. We never get up,
without the fire is very near. What good would it do?" I was quite
surprised that it was not necessary for us to go and help fill the engine. I
was an ignorant child, just beginning to learn how things went on in great
cities. At daylight, I
heard women crying fresh fish, berries, radishes, and various other things. All
this was new to me. I dressed myself at an early hour, and sat at the window to
watch that unknown tide of life. Philadelphia seemed to be a wonderfully great
place. At the breakfast table, my idea of going out to drag the engine was
laughed over, and I joined in the mirth. I went to see
Fanny, and found her so well contented among her new friends that she was in no
haste to leave. I was also very happy with my kind hostess. She had had
advantages for education, and was vastly my superior. Every day, almost every
hour, I was adding to my little stock of knowledge. She took me out to see the
city as much as she deemed prudent. One day she took me to an artist's room,
and showed me the portraits of some of her children. I had never seen any
paintings of colored people before, and they seemed to me beautiful. At the end of
five days, one of Mrs. Durham's friends offered to accompany us to New York the
following morning. As I held the hand of my good hostess in a parting clasp, I
longed to know whether her husband had repeated to her what I had told him. I
supposed he had, but she never made any allusion to it. I presume it was the
delicate silence of womanly sympathy. When Mr. Durham
handed us our tickets, he said, "I am afraid you will have a disagreeable
ride, but I could not procure tickets for the first class cars." Supposing I had
not given him money enough, I offered more. "O, no," said he,
"they could not be had for any money. They don't allow colored people to
go in the first-class cars." This was the
first chill to my enthusiasm about the Free States. Colored people were allowed
to ride in a filthy box, behind white people, at the south, but there they were
not required to pay for the privilege. It made me sad to find how the north
aped the customs of slavery. We were stowed away in a large, rough car, with windows on each side, too high for us to look out without standing up. It was crowded with people, apparently of all nations. There were plenty of beds and cradles, containing screaming and kicking babies. Every other man had a cigar or pipe in his mouth, and jugs of whiskey were handed round freely. The fumes of the whiskey and the dense tobacco smoke were sickening to my senses, and my mind was equally nauseated by the coarse jokes and ribald songs around me. It was a very disagreeable ride. Since that time there has been some improvement in these matters. |